Madam Malicia ([info]madam_malicia) wrote,
@ 2005-11-12 07:44:00
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Does it really matter who “friends” you?

Today, I went on a friending spree and found someone who had some interesting fandom posts. I didn’t recognize the name but I have heard of some of the people of her f-list. I liked what I saw and so I friended her.

Well, apparently, this did not sit well with her. I made a comment to one of her posts and her reply was basically a request that I remove her as she did not want people who supported disgusting pairings like Lucius/Hermione to be associated with her.

My jaw literally dropped and I had to read the reply several times to make sure I had read it correctly.

Now I know that there are people who will never friend me for many reasons, including my beloved ships. And I know that some of you will eventually defriend me because you don’t want the shit I talk about clogging up your flists. Hell, I bet a lot of you are already at the point where you wish I’d STFU about L/Hr and are thisclose to defriending me.

And I’m cool with that. I never friend people with expectation that they will add me back or if they do, that they will keep me on for all eternity.

But it never even occurred me that my shipping preferences would be such a big deal, that someone might not even want me on their fo-list. This has really shocked me. Maybe it shouldn’t, but it does.

I mean, I can understand in some cases why people might not want certain types of people of reading their LJs, like minors, or trolls. But even then, you really can’t stop them unless you f-lock everything. Even banning their LJ doesn’t always work because they can still log out and read your public entries.

In closing, now I know how all the oppressed Harmonians feel.

*emo!tear*




(38 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]lidane
2005-11-12 01:58 pm UTC (link)
Sounds like that person just has a personal problem that has nothing to do with you. Lucius/Hermione isn't a bad pairing, and in fact, can be quite hot if written well.

Personally, I have always been open to anyone friending me for whatever reason, and if they unfriend, because they don't read my posts anymore, or whatever, that's cool too. I don't honestly see myself getting bent out of shape because someone 'ships differently than me. That's like getting pissed off because someone likes chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla, you know?

I wouldn't worry about it. :)

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[info]madam_malicia
2005-11-12 02:12 pm UTC (link)
I'm not worried about it. Just kind of amazed that something so trivial could matter so much to someone. But given the level of batshit insanity I see over in fandom wank, it really shouldn't be surprising.

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[info]lidane
2005-11-12 02:31 pm UTC (link)
Yeah, Fandom_Wank tends to really highlight Teh Crazeh in fandom sometimes, especially among the Harmonians. But then again, they give F_W so much to work with. Heh. ;)

Personally, I think if anyone gets that obsessive about 'ships that they deliberately exclude people whose tastes are different from their LJ, then they're just being stupid. There's no reason for that at all.

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[info]shiv5468
2005-11-12 02:48 pm UTC (link)
It depends though. I don't mind people not shipping what I ship as long as they don't mind me shipping what they don't, but I would have problems with someone who wrote chan exclusively or lots of rape fic.

I wouldn't take it to the point of asking them to unfriend me, but I wouldn't necessarily be happy that they were in my space. It's not where my taste lies and I don't care to have my nose rubbed in it every day - I'd think not friending back is all that's required in that situation though.

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[info]lidane
2005-11-12 02:57 pm UTC (link)
Well, sure. You should only have people that you're comfortable with on your friends list. If they write a lot of RPS, or a lot of rapefic, or chan, and that doesn't sit with your sensibilities, then you do what you think is right.

I'm talking more about the people who get bent out of shape over fandom ships. It's like a passionate H/Hr shipper saying that people who ship R/Hr are idiots, and that they don't want any R/Hr shippers around them because Harmony is the One True Way. At that point, it's just a matter of absurdity.

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[info]shiv5468
2005-11-12 03:17 pm UTC (link)
But maybe the other bint was bent out of shape about the possibility of abuse and not shipping... I get that with HG/SS which is my main ship - people think it's going to be about teacher/pupil and that's not what I do or want to read.

Otherwise it's bit daft, because I put up with Snupin fans which just puzzles me.

Of course she could just be a wanky bint with no taste.

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[info]madam_malicia
2005-11-13 05:14 am UTC (link)
But maybe the other bint was bent out of shape about the possibility of abuse and not shipping

That could be it. L/Hr has the potential for a lot of darkness. I once told a friend that I was into L/Hr and her immediate thought was that I liked to write violent non-con as in her mind, that's the only way L/Hr could go. It didn't occur to her that I might like to pair them up romantically.

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[info]shiv5468
2005-11-13 01:17 pm UTC (link)
It does have that potential. It's a lot harder work to write something romantic between them, and that's the fun part for me.

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[info]vampiresetsuna
2005-11-12 03:25 pm UTC (link)
I agree. If she really has a problem with your OTP, you wouldn't really want to be there anyway, and having to put up with her trivialities.

I think it does matter to a certain exten, when it comes down to your morals and ethics... I sure don't want to have anyone on my friends list who writes chan and non-con fics, and I unfriend people who post them, rather than to condone their behavior by ignoring it.

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[info]madam_malicia
2005-11-13 05:22 am UTC (link)
Yeah, after that comment I immediately removed her. It doesn't bother me that she thinks my Het OTP is disgusting, but impression I got was that I was also disgusting for liking it and would somehow taint her journal or something.

I sure don't want to have anyone on my friends list who writes chan and non-con fics, and I unfriend people who post them

But would it upset you if they had you on their f-list and maybe even occassionaly commented in your LJ? would you secretly wish they would defriend you?

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[info]vampiresetsuna
2005-11-13 06:04 am UTC (link)


That is a sticky situation, b/c you never want to offend someone, even if you disagree... and it seems like rules for human courtesy still apply, even on LJ.

I think it's all with the secret wishing, b/c you can't MAKE someone unfriend you, just like you can't make other's add you. LJ doesn't have that capebility, and it's kinda odd that the other chick was trying to control that.

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[info]madam_malicia
2005-11-13 05:10 am UTC (link)
yeah, sometimes I think some of the Harmonian stuff on FW can't possibly be real. I mean to get so worked up about fictional characters...it's insane. Until now, and I am not sure if this event even counts, I have been blessed in not personally encountering some of the crazier people in the fandom.

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[info]reposoir
2005-11-12 03:12 pm UTC (link)
d00d- wtf? You are more than just a pairing. Besides, you like other pairings as well!

(Now I am curious as to who it was...)

I have lots of people on my flist, many who OTP ships I hate. Big deal, you know? *shakes head at that other user*

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[info]madam_malicia
2005-11-13 05:24 am UTC (link)
I am not going to mention names as to aviod any potential wank. But you've probably never heard of her. She had a pretty small flist and most of the people there seemed to be canon shippers, as in H/G and R/Hr.

What I found kind of odd is that by her posts, she didn't seem to be much of a shipper herself. She mostly talked about meta stuff.

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[info]snarkypants
2005-11-12 03:12 pm UTC (link)
L/Hr? YOU! Off my friends list! NOW! ;-)

Oy. Of course, as an SS/HG'er, I tend not to throw stones at other peoples' ships, because, hell, on my bad days SS/HG skeeves me occasionally. But I get over it.

I'd love to write L/Hr, but I so cannot.

Could you point me in the direction of some good recs? Your favorites?

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[info]madam_malicia
2005-11-13 05:27 am UTC (link)
LOL. I think all ships have the potential for skeeving, depending on how they are written. I have even read a H/G that left me unnerved.

I'd be happy to rec some L/Hr. Do you have any sort of preferences? I think i have read every one written although I tend to avoid the the non con fics so I wouldn't have anything to offer there.

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[info]snarkypants
2005-11-13 01:50 pm UTC (link)
No, I'm not terribly interested in non-con, unless it's widely considered to be a classic of the 'ship.

Just something that makes the 'ship plausible, good writing, good characterization. Don't want much... ;-)

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[info]madam_malicia
2005-11-15 12:46 am UTC (link)
Sorry that it took so long to get back to you. I had to collect my link. It’s very possible that you’ve already read all of these fics. There aren’t many L/Hr stories out there. They're not in any order although the first two are definitely my favorite L/Hr fics.

1. The Best Revenge by Scattered Logic

2. Inferno by Ociwen Also, at her skyehawke account you can find other well written L/Hr one-shots.

3. Possession by Ayla Pascal Ayla has written quite a bit of L/Hr but this one is my favorite of hers. I am not going to link to all of her fics but if you go to her skyehawke account, you should find all of them.

4. Falsity by Justastarvingwriter Just has also written a lot of great L/Hr. My fave so far is actually Means of Persuasion but there are only a few chaps up. You can find them all at her ff.net profile.

5. Ball and Chain by Scifichick774

6. Redemption by Pheonix. I thought L and Hr were a bit OOC in this one and came together too soon but it was still enjoyable to read.

7. Beauty found Within the Beast by ShilohDarke. Same as above. A bit of OOC-ness and they got together rather quickly. But you might like it.

8. To Save a Malfoy by SnapeSeraphim

9. Grey by Athenaea

10. His Mistress by SerpentClara. I actually feel weird adding this one because I actually disliked this fic quite a bit. I have huge problems with her characterization of Hermione. In fact, I left her a very harsh review that I regret somewhat. However, despite the characterization issues, it is very well written in other regards and many people seem to enjoy it and you might too.  Features a very dark Hermione. 

11. The Kindest Curse by Quillusion

I'm still collecting more links. But if you go to the profiles of most of these authors you will find more L/Hr fics that they have written or in their favorites.

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[info]starrysummer
2005-11-12 03:32 pm UTC (link)
Whoa. It's one thing not to want to read someone who posts about things you don't like. But telling them they can't friend you?

Either this person has no understanding how that works or has a really large, abrasive pole up her ass.

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[info]madam_malicia
2005-11-13 05:30 am UTC (link)
Well, I think she thought I might comment a lot in her LJ and thus an association might be made that way. It's crazy.

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[info]gmth
2005-11-12 04:44 pm UTC (link)
Wow. That's... wow. It's amazing how far people take their shipping preferences.

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[info]madam_malicia
2005-11-13 05:33 am UTC (link)
Indeed. I would have never even been interested in the girl if I had known that she is adamant about it as some of the crazy shippers we see on FW. I didn't get that impression from her LJ. There was little, if any, shipping talk in her entries at all.

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[info]letoutthetiger
2005-11-12 05:55 pm UTC (link)
Hi!

I am one you friended in you friending spree, and of course I came by too see who you are.

I am not particularly fond of HG/LM. My ship - if I have one - is LM/SS, but to not friend people because you have a different ship is not especially wise. If I had that attitude, I'd never have read one of my all-time fave-fics, Lucius' Bookshelves (HG/LM). And by the way - anything with Lucius in it, preferably nekkid at some point - is good news to me!

If I had that attitude I would have denied myself the pleasant company of good friends in other countries I have met here on LJ with other ships, other preferred pairings.

Shipping is simply not my 'thing' - and as stupid as any other predjudical idea. To prefer something is all right, but to exclude friends...

Seems like you're an interesting person to me and I hope to get to know you better.

Personally I have an open friending/de-friending policy. If people don't read what I write, then why should I be on their f-list. But I'd be sad and hurt if I've got a message as the one you got.

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[info]madam_malicia
2005-11-13 05:41 am UTC (link)
Hi! I hasve been meaning to friend you ever since you posted your neville and Lucius pics over on fringeart. I never met anyone else who liked Lucius/Neville.

I absolutely welcome everyone to my LJ, regardless of shipping preferences. In fact, I have been trying to diversify my f-list a bit. In the early days of my fandom involvement, I only hung around slashers, and then I got to know a few people who liked both slash and Het and though them I discovered that Het wasn't as bad as I thought it was. If I had never went outside my little circle, I'd still only be reading Harry/Draco and would have missed out on a lot of good fic and fandomers.

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[info]orange_bastard
2005-11-12 10:02 pm UTC (link)
That's too bad! LJ could be a fun place if there weren't people like that around...

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[info]madam_malicia
2005-11-13 05:42 am UTC (link)
Generally, I try to avoid the people who take fandom too seriously. This one slipped under my radar.

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[info]lycoris
2005-11-12 10:18 pm UTC (link)
That's ... so weird. I don't friend everyone who friends me and I sometimes defriend people who have me friended - it's just the way LJ works. But I have never looked at someones LJ and wanted them to defriend me because of their pairings! I sometimes think "Oh, they talk about blank a lot, I shan't friend them, I don't like blank."

But then, mostly I don't find pairings that swuicky. I mean, I don't like Dumbledore stuff but generally, I just ignore it! It wouldn't make me want them off my Friend Of list.

Er, in short, this person is weird and I think you should be glad that this scary person didn't want to be friends with you - they obviously don't deserve your company!

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[info]madam_malicia
2005-11-13 05:49 am UTC (link)
Yeah, it's their loss.

I know that some people are uncomfortable with certain people friending them, even if they don't friend them back but those are usually understandable circumstances. I have a RL friend with a LJ and last year a man who was into some pretty nasty stuff and his user name was babyraper or something like that. He'd comment quite a bit. It bugged her so much that she ended up f-locking everything.

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[info]lycoris
2005-11-13 03:56 pm UTC (link)
Now that is a creepy and weird thing and I wouldn't want him reading my journal - that's a situation where I could understand someone asking them to leave. I'd probably end up F-locking everything too if that happened to me.

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[info]astarvingwriter
2005-11-13 01:38 am UTC (link)
Why can't she just screen comments like a normal person? Maybe neurotic tendencies regarding fictional characters is more common than we think.

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[info]madam_malicia
2005-11-13 05:51 am UTC (link)
Have you ever gone over to fandom wank? There are people in the HP fandom who take this shit so seriously that I am supprised they don't have heart attacks over it all. Compared to that stuff, what happened to me was rather tame.

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[info]astarvingwriter
2005-11-13 06:38 pm UTC (link)
I made a few short visits to fandom wank before I chickened out. Frightening. Of course, after some of the stuff I've seen over at FictionAlley, I shouldn't be too surprised. Have you noticed it's mostly canon-thumpers that do neurotic things? (And not canon-thumpers as in only canon ships but canon-thumpers as in 'canon is what we say is canon'.)

...how off is it that the crack!shippers are generally more stable than the canon-thumpers?

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[info]madam_malicia
2005-11-14 06:42 am UTC (link)
how off is it that the crack!shippers are generally more stable than the canon-thumpers?

I noticed that myself. Although, to be fair, it's just that craziest of the canon thumpers are also the loudest.

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..
[info]amaya2006
2005-11-14 04:08 am UTC (link)
Personally I think you should tell that person to stuff it. Fanfiction is a place where you can support the ships that you like and if they don't want to read it, then they don't have to. Not associating with a person because of the ships they support is stupid and idiotic. If I did that, I wouldn't be friends with Blaze, my best friend, cause she supports HP/GW and I hate Ginny and want to kill her... But I digress, I'll add you to my friends list..if it's okay with you that is. I personally like your story, love it actually, and made a special trip to you LJ (even though it's really late and I have school tomorrow) just to see if you mention when you're going to update and to see your fanart.
Well, off to bed!
Amaya

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Re: ..
[info]madam_malicia
2005-11-14 06:47 am UTC (link)
My BF in the fandom is also a H/G shipper. She hates all of my ships and I, hers. But we still manage to get along because we know we are not our ships. If only more people thought that way...

Anywho, of course I don't mind a friending. I am always thrilled to meet new people on LJ, especially if they like L/Hr. As for a update, I have working to update it all night but seem to be having problems connecting to the servers. Hopefully I can do it tommorow.

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Re: ..
[info]amaya2006
2005-11-15 01:09 am UTC (link)
Terrific! On the update I mean... also on the friend lists...I don't have that many friends added to mine...mostly my two bestest friends and the people that I chat with from Fanfiction. But I'm heading over there in about...5 mins or so to add you so....

Continue on with the great story and I still think you should tell that person to shove it...or at least tell me who they were so I can tell them...

Cheers,
Amaya

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[info]ltgarrix
2005-11-22 07:51 pm UTC (link)
Schnikes! What a reason to get PO'd at someone. I thought I'd stop over as I'm enjoying your fic "The Muck and the Mire".

As a general rule, if I don't care for somone's ship, I just don't read anything to do with it, but I don't let it cloud my judgment of a person. Some people have written great fics that I enjoy and they write fics with pairins I don't like and I just don't read them, but it doesn't stop me from reading their work with pairings I do like.

Some people definitely take the fandom way too seriously. :)

phoenix

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[info]madam_malicia
2005-11-26 08:38 am UTC (link)
Some people definitely take the fandom way too seriously. :)

Indeed! As I mentioned above, some of my best friends in the fandom like pairings and kinks that make me cringe, but they are still lovely people to know.

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